Many couples undergoing fertility treatments wonder how they’ll know it’s the right time to stop trying for a biological child and start the adoption process. It’s not a simple answer, and for every parent it is different. In your marriage, you may find one spouse arrives at this place before the other, which is completely normal.
We suggest for you to seek in your hearts whether now’s time to transition from fertility treatments to adoption. As a fertility patient herself, Mardie Caldwell has experienced seven pregnancy losses. Once she and her husband decided it was time to pursue adoption as their route to parenthood, they were blessed with the adoption of a son.
Today, Mardie shares four signs that it might be time to consider your options through adoption.
1. When you feel being a mom is more important than being pregnant.
This means you come to the realization that you don’t want to keep waiting to become a parent. If you feel like you’ve come to this point, ask yourself (and your spouse) if you could love a child not biologically related to you. Think about your husband; he’s not biologically related to you and you love him with all your heart.
Many couples have come to the realization that the desire to become parents is greater than the desire to be pregnant. In fact many couples make that change after their fertility specialist tells them that it’s unlikely theyd get pregnant without more invasive methods.
2. When you’re exhausted from the fertility treatment rollercoaster and the 28 day fail.
The 28 day fail is sometimes used to describe the feeling women get when every 28 days they fail a pregnancy test. Your hopes are up every 28 days, but each time, the test turns up negative. If you choose adoption to build your family, you can go into it knowing that there is a child at the end of the journey. With fertility treatments, there may not be.
3. You, your spouse, or your doctor feel like it’s not going to happen.
Is there a feeling of lost hope? Sometimes, fertility treatments can be like a self-fulfilling prophecy; if you believe it’s not going to happen, your body believes that.
When you’ve lost faith and hope that fertility treatments will work, you may be affecting your outcome. Fertility treatments make your life feel as if it’s out of your control, and they can also put a strain on your relationship. If you get to the point that you hate everything about the fertility treatments, maybe it’s time to take a break and explore adoption. And, when your doctor expresses doubt that a couple will get pregnant, it may be the final straw.
4. You’re concerned about money.
In-vitro fertility treatments range from $10,000 to $14,000 or more; they’re definitely not cheap. Many couples have found they have to take a second mortgage out on their home and skip vacations in order to continue fertility treatments. It’s better to plan ahead than to get to the end of fertility treatments and be deep in debt then turn to infant adoption only to discover it’s not free.
It’s important to understand that considering adoption doesn’t mean you’re giving up on having a biological child. It simply means that you want to become a mom now, rather than continuing to wait until fertility treatments are successful. Many couples adopt, and later experience the joy of being pregnant, either with or without medical intervention.
Discover more about infant adoption by reading adoptive couples’ stories. You can learn about open adoption and what families experience during their open adoption journey. Sign up for a free webinar series of open adoption stories.