Marriage is tough and it is certainly not for the faint of heart. 10 years ago, when we were young and in love, planning a wedding, heading to Vegas for a bachelor party, and even buying our first home, life was grand. While knowing we had work to do, with college and grad school behind us, the possibilities seemed endless. Although we were just starting out we had the world as our oyster and nothing but good times ahead.
The day we stood in front of our family and friends at our big, Catholic wedding, we knew we were only just beginning. We had high hopes and seemingly attainable dreams – babies, vacations, and fulfilling careers to name a few. Adulting was going to be fun and bring the best times of our lives, no longer young and financially reliant on our parents we were ready to have it all – health, wealth, and prosperity. Early mornings were spent breakfasting together and late nights were spent discussing our perfect {future} children, perfect house, perfect summer vacations, our perfect 10-year plan.
But here’s the thing about plans for perfection and detailed dreams of the future, control is not necessarily considered, specifically the lack thereof. While honorable motives and the best of intentions may be at the core of our very psyche, the truth is, we have little to no control of things that have been or those yet to come, but are simply along for the ride…10 years, 4 babies, tough jobs, few vacations, the same house, and a serious autoimmune disease later, I have come to understand just how perfectly imperfect my own life is and how impractical my 10-year plan ever was. What I have also learned through it all is how and why I will choose to love my partner, my spouse, the person here in the thick of things with me, every day.
Why I Choose to Love My Spouse everyday
I chose to love my spouse every day because he chooses me too. Together we love one another, trust one another, and even after the nastiest of arguments (we’re both lawyers for goodness sake) we still chose to come together to parent our children and work out our differences.
I choose to love my spouse every day because love in your 30’s looks quite a bit different than it did in your 20’s. Walking a sick baby in the wee hours of the night, giving me an hour to nap, or running to the grocery store because I forgot the milk is love…while quite a bit different than the passionate times of our 20’s, I’ll take it. Love in your 30’s is reliance, responsibility, and interdependency.
I chose to love my spouse every day because he puts our family first. While in my own self-centered universe I may want someone who simply worships and caters to my every whim, a man who truly cares for his family first is my 35-year-old hero. In sickness and in health may have just been words when spoken to each other 10 years ago, but in our household this vow has come to fruition and is practiced each and every day. Disease stinks, but when someone is willing to be a dad even when feeling his very worst, that is a man I will choose to love.
I choose to love my husband every day because I watch how he interacts with our children and how they respond in awe of this present, participating parent. Growing together and watching with fascination the way my boys respond to their father enthralls me. Their similarities are uncanny and their differences amazing. I find myself quietly standing back as my husband and my infant bond over something as trivial as a toy, or the way his infectious excitement encourages my older sons in school. No one is a prouder parent than my husband, and while I may be too caught up in the thick of things to pay attention, he never misses a detail when it comes to our kids.
I choose to love my husband every day because he will always be there if I need him to be – mentally, emotionally, and physically. Come hell or high-water he will be there to the absolute best of his abilities.
Marriage Advice Changes with Time
Before you get married people always warn you to beware of placing too much stress on your marriage – be kind to one another, be wary of your finances, keep open lines of communication – but no one ever prepares you for disease. I won’t lie, for years I spent time being jealous of other couples who seemed to have it all. Date nights, vacations, regular day-to-day activities without regular hospital stays as a part of their life, but as time has gone on our life has simply taken on a different sort of “normal”. Watching my husband persevere and exude positivity even during his darkest days is an inspiration to everyone around him. His strength is incredible in the face of adversity and sets an example for our children in all things.
I choose to love my husband every day because 10 years is only a drop in the bucket when you have a whole lifetime ahead of you. We have kids to raise, goals to accomplish, and challenges to face, but marriage is a test of strength and endurance. I truly believe the example we set for our children now will determine the fate of their future relationships.
I choose to love my husband every day because I believe marriage is a lifelong commitment and you’re in it for the long-haul. Marriage is an institution that seems to have lost its true meaning and value. People seem to enter into this lifelong commitment with an exit plan already in place. More and more these days you both see and hear the frightening divorce statistics that exist in large part because people no longer believe anything is permanent. Unfortunately, this is also what is being taught to all the little people being born into, and traumatized by, these fly-by-night relationships. Entering into a relationship where one is not prepared for the going to get rough… Because trust me it will get rough…is nothing but a set up for failure.
I am not one of those women who will claim that my husband comes before all else, that he is my king, or that he belongs on a pedestal because that is simply untrue. He is human, and he has his flaws and weaknesses, just as I have mine. But that is why I have a choice to make every day. I do not love my husband every day because it is easy or unavoidable, I love my husband every day because I make a CHOICE to do so. I choose to love, I choose to stay positive, I choose to find the light, because at the end of the day we all have choices to make, some are easy and some a hard, but each and every one of them defines who we are and who we wish to be for ourselves and for our family.
With this in mind, at times I have to choose steps that will grow our relationship each day. Some of these choices do not necessarily have to include my husband. As a matter of fact, considering the advice from Laura Doyle, I am able to get advice from expert coaches. These coaches are able to provide the help that is able to fix the issues I face in my marriage. What is impressive about Laura Doyle is that I am able to improve my relationship with my husband without even him making a conscious effort. At the end of the day, it is common knowledge that a happy wife is a happy life and family.
