Proverbs 27:9 says, “A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.”
So many moms find it hard to have friends once their kids are born, and it’s tragic. These moms sometimes feel that they grow apart from their friends who don’t have children. But, they also find it hard to meet up with other moms who are just as busy as they are. Staying connected with friends as a mother can seem impossible.
But it’s not!
Don’t get the wrong idea; maintaining friendships as an overwhelmed mother can be difficult. But, with some thoughtfulness, consideration, planning, and grace, friendships can be built and strengthened through pregnancies, births, and every milestone thereafter.
Remember, a friendship, like any relationship, is a two-way street. Try to support your friends in the best ways you know how, and communicate with them that you expect that same support in return. Staying connected is key. Here are a few suggestions to help you out in the friendship department.
READ MORE: You’re My Best Friend: The Friendship Dynamics that Make Our Relationships
Send the Invite
Have you ever typed out a text inviting someone to hang out, second guessed yourself, and deleted the whole thing? We all have. We assume people don’t want to hang out with us and our kids and that they don’t want to have to accommodate nap schedules or diaper changes. We assume they have better things to do or more fun places to be.
We have to stop making these assumptions and give our friends the opportunity to be involved in our lives. Is there a chance that they will bail on you or won’t have fun with you and your children? Truthfully, yes. But many friends, whether they have kids or not, will be thrilled to spend time with you! They want to stay connected just as much as you do!
So, if you’re planning a backyard barbecue, a trip to the zoo, or a family-friendly game night, invite your friends. Let them come on a walk with you or meet you at the playground. Your hangouts might look different than they once did, but that doesn’t mean they have to disappear.
Text Back
We all know that “mom brain” is real. It’s hard to remember when we received messages and if we ever called or texted back. Nevertheless, it’s important to not give up and completely disconnect from every mode of communication.
If your friend sends you a message, try to reply back. Even if you’re declining a party invitation because you have a sick kid, or if you are several days into getting back to an old text thread, go ahead and reply. As they say, it’s better late than never.
Your friends will appreciate your efforts to stay connected, and leaving that line of communication open is important for any friendship to properly flourish. One day, you will have more bandwidth to make plans and dive into deep conversations again; when that time comes, you’ll be glad you tried to stay in contact with others and maintain good communication skills.
READ MORE: Mom Friends: The Constant Struggle To Find Adult Friendship As A Mom
Write It Down
As previously mentioned, “mom brain” can be a real nightmare for many of us, and it can be a real obstacle in your way of staying connected with people. That’s why writing things down can be a lifesaver for friendships.
If you make plans with a biddy, write it down as soon as possible – that seems obvious. But, take note of other important dates, too. Write down your friend’s birthdays and anniversaries. Write down important events like upcoming job interviews or surgeries. Having reminders readily available will prompt you to check on your friends when they are down, wish them well when they need extra luck, congratulate them on milestones, and simply be there for them during big life moments.
It doesn’t matter if you prefer a physical planner or an app like Google Calendar; find something that will help you stay organized. Your friends know you are a busy mom, and they will appreciate you reaching out to them, especially on special occasions or stressful days.
Show Interest
This suggestion is specifically for staying connected with friends who do not have kids. Hopefully, these friends are excited about your role as a mother and supportive of your life. Ideally, they will ask about your kids and want to be involved with them.
With that in mind, it’s also important that you show interest in your friends’ lives. Ask them about their travels, dating life, career opportunities, etc. As a mom, your focus is on your kids, and that’s great; you should feel comfortable sharing that part of your life with a friend. But, it’s important to step into your bud’s shoes and think about other topics that they might want to discuss. She likely has a busy and full life as well, and she probably wants to share it with you.
Ultimately, ask good questions, practice good listening skills, and show genuine interest in your friends’ lives. Staying connected can be as easy as being sincere in your efforts to bolster your friendship.
READ MORE: The Importance Of Maintaining Friendships After Motherhood
Ask for Help
This is a hard one for a lot of moms. Asking for help can feel humiliating or defeating, but it’s actually a great way to stay connected with others. Accepting service can be a humbling way to bond with a friend.
If you need a friend to pray for you in a hard season of life, ask for that. Talk with your buddy about what is going on and embrace her listening ear. If you need a babysitter so you can go to an appointment or on a much-needed date night, reach out to a pal you trust. She will have the opportunity to bond with your little ones and feel honored that you thought to ask her.
We all need help from time to time. Real friends are there for each other through thick and thin, good and bad. Just as you would want the chance to offer extra love to a friend in need, your buddies want to do that, too.
Stay Connected
You know the proverbial village that should be around to help raise kids? Well, that village is also essential for the mom, too. All women need love, support, care, enrichment, socialization, and help – and true friendship encompasses all of that. Staying connected with good people can be the difference between a mom just surviving or truly thriving! Continue your relationships with good people and you will feel like a well-rounded, supported, and happy mom!
Now, please understand that not every friendship will last forever. That’s okay, and it may not be anyone’s fault. Just do your part to be a good friend, and let others be a good friend to you. When you have pals who value staying connected through all the ups and downs of motherhood, you know you’ve found true, real, unconditional friendship.
WANT TO READ MORE?
Check out Why Mothering Without Your Tribe Is NOT the Way to Go for more advice, tips, and tricks.
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