Not everyone has a built-in tribe when they start a family, but most will quickly realize they need to find their tribe. In order to find your tribe, you need to have the time, energy, and capacity to make and welcome new people in your life. The task of finding your tribe may not be an easy feat, but it will be worth it. Give yourself grace during this life-changing time while you find your tribe.
Why You Need A Tribe
Even if you are an introvert, have the most solid relationship and support from your partner, or have family help you will still need to find your tribe. You may not realize it right away or even feel like anything is missing until you feel like something is missing from your life and you may not even be able to put your finger on it. Mothering can be a surprisingly lonely time for a new mom, despite having a little person attached to you for most of the day.
Middle-of-night feedings, an inconsolable crying baby in the middle of the day, and not speaking to any adults all day can really wear on anyone, especially a new mom who is dealing with tons of changes herself. With your hormones going crazy trying to get back to normal, surviving on only chunks of sleep at a time and just the stress of taking care of a new baby is quite a lot, to say the least. This is why you need to find your tribe. To be able to call or text a friend in the middle of the day to vent, cry or ask for help.
A friend who will not only understand exactly what you are going through but be able to help, because she just gets it. Because she is going through exactly what you are going through and despite feeling completely alone, you realize you are not alone and there are thousands of other women in the exact same position as you right now. It is not always pretty, or Instagram-worthy, but when you find your tribe, motherhood will get a little rosier and “easier” knowing you have someone to lean on if for nothing else than a good cry.
READ MORE: A Letter to Stay-At-Home Moms
Steps To Find Your Tribe
There are a few ways to meet moms as new moms, most importantly you need to get yourself in front of other moms. Naturally, you will meet other moms through daycare, and school, and eventually organized activities such as dance, soccer, and girl scouts. However, most of those come a little later and if your child doesn’t go to daycare you have at least 5 years till you interact with other moms on a daily basis.
If this is you, you will need to make a more concentrated effort to find your tribe. The best place to organically, yet not forced way to meet other moms and find your tribe is the park. Every day you will find dozens of moms with young kids at the park, even if you are not an overly social person, your kid is the perfect buffer to chatting up another mom at the park. Moms take their kids to get them out of the house, burn off energy, and socialize with other kids. Take advantage of the situation, the easiest way to introduce yourself is by asking how old their kid is and their name.
You might be surprised at how easy it is to talk to a complete stranger when that mom has a kid at a similar age as yours and can immediately relate to what you are going through. Sometimes talking to a random person about what you are really going through and feeling when they are in the same boat can not only feel liberating but can instantly bond and connect you.
It is nice to know that you weren’t the only one who got up 5 times last night, or your kid hasn’t quite hit that one milestone, on the flip side, doesn’t compare yourself to the mom or kids who just seem to have it all together, they don’t always! Every kid, mom, and family is different, when you find your tribe, you will most likely click with the moms you can most relate with. You will also meet moms that maybe you don’t click with right away because you have different views on certain things, however, that might end up being better for your tribe than you think.
Most likely before you were even pregnant your time on the internet probably took a significant uptick as you researched what to eat and not eat before getting pregnant, pregnancy symptoms, things to avoid, and once pregnant and babies arrive, googling in the middle of the night is your new go to. The internet, books, and family are all great resources when it comes to children, but nothing can replace your mommy tribe.
READ MORE: The Online Village: Why Moms Are Always on Their Phones
There are lots of local ways to find your tribe-churches often have mom meet-ups, Stroller strides, mom groups, the playground, social media, and more.
MOPS-Mothers of Preschoolers, a group that is church-based and across the county. The best part is it is not just for moms of preschoolers anymore. Moms at all stages of life can join, connect, learn and grow together.
Stroller Strides-Now re-branded as Fit4Mom gives you a chance to move your body and connect with other moms. There are franchises all over so easy to find one near you, get out in nature, and give your baby some fresh air while meeting other moms who are in the same phase of life as you, pushing a stroller will give you a better workout than you will expect!
Social Media-Most cities, towns, or areas have a private moms’ Facebook page. This is a great way to not only connect with moms in your area but also be on the up and up about what is happening in your area.
Mommy Groups-From prenatal classes, working mom groups, newborn mommy classes, and meetup.com will have lots of options for you depending on your hobbies.
Parent and Me Classes-You can find mom and me classes at the local library, community centers, dance classes, local swim club, preschools, gyms and so much more. Most parent and me classes involve a short time commitment so even if it ends up not being your thing you are not over-committing yourself.
READ MORE: A Day In The Life: One Mom’s Fluid Daily Schedule & Making it Work No Matter What
How To Maintain Your Tribe
When you find your tribe you will understand what you are missing, some get lucky and find their whole tribe as a collective whole. A group that is able to maintain its friendship throughout the ups and downs of parenthood and life. Knowing that everyone is equally busy and not trying to be neglectful in their relationships but also sometimes, just can not take on anything else, even if it is just a phone call to a friend.
This is why you need to have built-in ways to find and maintain your tribe. It isn’t going to always be easy to maintain your new relationship so this is why you need to put stuff on your calendar ahead of time to ensure that you foster those relationships. Keep in mind that this does not always mean that you will always all be able to keep these appointments, stuff comes up and life happens. However, without calendaring these, they are definitely not going to happen. Just remember to give yourself grace that stuff does and will inevitably come up.
Find your tribe and then maintain and keep your tribe with these monthly, bi-monthly, or even quarterly meet up ideas-Book Club, clothing and/or toy swap (save yourself money and keep the toys fresh!), trading books, moms’ night out, meeting for hikes and walks, picnics at the park the kiddos and community events.
Community events are a great way to involve everyone with no one feeling put out to host or having to go out of their way to come up with an idea of what to do. Weekly playdates are a great way to get the kids and you out of the house. Something to look forward to and keep you connected with your peers which is great for both mom and baby.
READ MORE: The Unique Newborn Essentials List New Moms Need
Motherhood is a joyous time and an equally emotionally exhausting and taxing time. When you find your tribe motherhood will bit a little bit “easier” as you have others to share the ups and downs with. The things that only other moms can understand especially if they are in the same phase you are in. Start small, make an effort, and find your tribe to find yourself in motherhood. So, put yourself out there and find your tribe, thank us later.
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