Back when I was a young attorney, I’d finally be escaping the office for the night only to be hit with the wide-eyed realization I’d forgotten to call back opposing counsel on a case.
“What is wrong with me?” I’d scream-think at myself.
On other occasions, I’d leave a work meeting with three new assignments. As the overwhelm crushed my chest, I’d think, “What is wrong with me?” Surely, given the work seem expected, the average associate could handle this workload, meaning the overwhelm I experienced must be due to some flaw within me. At least once a week, that question would go through my mind, often in a tone dripping with self-judgment.
Most of that self-judgment boiled down to thinking I was bad at the time and task management. While I’d been decently organized through law school, becoming an actual attorney involved high-stakes deadlines and juggling multiple cases with multiple partners, all of which overwhelmed me. While I looked like I had it together on the outside, I felt stretched too thin and like I was constantly about to drop a ball on the inside.
Cue the “what is wrong with me?” soundtrack. What I didn’t realize at the time was that not only was that “what is wrong with me?” question destructive, it was counterproductive. It drove me to think that the answer to the problem was to “just work harder” or to magically and intrinsically change how my brain worked, which is unsustainable and unrealistic, respectively.
One day, I reframed the question. Instead of “what is wrong with me?” I thought, “well, my brain doesn’t magically know/remember to do things when I need to do them – so, what am I going to do about it?” By dissolving the self-judgment around the task management problem, I freed my brain up to get creative to find a solution outside of myself. And it worked!
Here’s what I figured out: The time management tools I’d been using – the to-do lists, post-it notes, and paper planners that had served me so well through law school – just couldn’t keep up with my modern professional life. These things were essentially just lists telling me that there was a lot of work to be done without providing any game plan, which I internalized as “there’s a lot to do, and I have no idea how to get it all done.”
So, let’s talk about what to do instead so you too can have less self-judgment moments and more days spent feeling accomplished, calm, and able to be present with those you love because you know you are on top of it all and have a time management system that works for you.
It’s normal if your brain doesn’t magically remember it all – stop beating yourself up about it
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According to this study, our brains are (and I quote) “severely capacity limited.” Simply put, our beautiful and brilliant brains are not meant to carry the mental load of our to-dos. We biologically do not have the capability and capacity to make that happen.
Bear in mind that even the healthiest of brains have a capacity limit. That’s before adding in other memory constraints like hormone issues, nutrient deficiencies, sleep deprivation, environmental stressors, and more. That means most adult brains are not working at full capacity.
Our brains are not built to memorize mental to-do lists – or reconcile and prioritize the action items from three to-do lists and five post-it notes. We need to stop expecting our brains to be superhuman and beating ourselves up when they’re not. It’s unnecessarily stressful and a waste of energy. Plus, your brain has better things to do than constantly memorize logistics – like creating smart strategy at work and being present with family at home.
Let’s just accept our brains for what they are – and look for solutions outside of ourselves to show up at home and at work in the way that we want without asking our brains to be superhuman.
You are not your task management system
Before we dig into what system to use, we need to get clear on one thing: You are not your system. If the system you are using to manage your time and tasks makes you think you are bad at time management, it just means your system is not the right fit – not that there is something wrong with you.
In addition, finding and tweaking the right time management system can involve experimentation and time. So, as you dig into this process, remember that if something isn’t working, it is a task management system issue – not a you issue. Stay curious and keep looking for a time management system solution outside of yourself to solve the problem.
Our brains can’t be superhuman – but your task management system can be
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Most traditional time/task management approaches (e.g., to-do lists) basically just help us write tasks down but do not help us create a game plan for when we’ll actually get the things done on the task management list. They don’t help us figure out when to do the thing, protect time for how long it will take, or see if we have the time to do it given everything else we have to do that particular day.
So, we’re left with the full knowledge that we have a ton to do without a game plan for how we’ll do it. It’s no surprise we get overwhelmed.
Instead, we have to help our brains understand when we’re going to actually do these things. In addition, that time management system needs to help us know when it’s time to do each task management item on the list.
This magical system is a lot closer than you might think. In fact, you’re likely already using it to a degree: your digital calendar. To leverage it, take each of your tasks and use your calendar to figure out when you’ll actually do the task and block a sufficient window of time to get it done. Here’s why:
First, this approach gives you that task management game plan for how you’ll get it all done so that you can see clearly that it can get done over time. This helps your brain destress because even though there’s work to be done, you now have a game plan. Knowing that it can all get done over time and doesn’t need to all get done right now will help you take breaks and actually enjoy them!
Second, this game plan exists outside of your brain, so you don’t have to waste precious brain capacity memorizing to-do plans (and rearranging those plans after a curveball hits). You can instead devote your brain to more important things besides task management.
Third, when your game plan is in your calendar, your phone and/or computer can alert you when it’s time to do the thing, so your brain doesn’t have to. No more expecting your brain to remember to call opposing counsel at 3 p.m., forgetting, and panic-realizing it at 7 p.m. Now, your computer is the task management guru that tells you to call opposing counsel at the pre-planned time and you just move along in your day. Modern-day magic!
Work with your brain – not against it
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Your brain is amazing. It brings smart, creative strategy to the table. It cracks up your loved ones with funny stories. It helps you fully immerse yourself in other worlds when reading books. It’s incredible. It’s just not incredible at memorizing reams of to-do’s and knowing how and when you’ll accomplish each one. And that’s okay because there are more efficient ways to navigate your task management. Acknowledge your brain’s strengths and weaknesses, stop beating yourself up for them, and get out there and find creative solutions that work with your brain. Your brain’s got better things to be doing.
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Photo credits: John Tuesday | Kelly Sikkema | Vitolda Klein
