There was a time when the dating world was a very different place than it is today. People likely met each other on a college campus, at the gym, or through a friend. The possibilities were limited to the people who were within your social circle. Today the possibilities are endless with the many online dating platforms that are available at the touch of a fingertip. Meeting online is no longer the embarrassing concept it once was.
However, with this influx of options for meeting people, new challenges are also introduced. As if dating itself wasn’t already a tricky thing to navigate for most, dating for introverts is certainly a combination that yields anxiety to the tenth degree. It’s already hard to meet people let alone overcome past heartbreaks. Just being your inward-focused self increases the struggle for most.
Let’s talk about dating misconceptions. Many are convinced that dating is just a numbers game in the sense that the more people and the more frequently you date, the more likely you’ll cross paths with “the one”. However when it comes to dating for introverts that simply doesn’t fit your lifestyle.
Another is the “one size fits all” mentality. There are countless dating articles and advice columns on the web spewing how-to’s in this category that simply can’t apply to every single very unique individual out there – especially if you’re an introvert! Introvert life might include limited social energy, a strong dislike for small talk, and at times, looming anxiety around the possibility of rejection. So dating for introverts is truly its own tier in the world of dating how-to’s.
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7 Tips on Dating for Introverts
- Be aware of what works for you. A common piece of advice that you’ll hear is to put yourself out there. As an introvert, that isn’t necessarily something that comes naturally. It’s important that you are realistic about the facts. In order to meet someone you definitely have to date and open up to get to know each other. However small talk is one of those things that those who are introverted usually repel. Get in tune with and listen to your intuition. Keep your focus on what your desires in a partner are instead of getting caught up in the different words of advice you’ll be getting.
- Be honest. You can tell people how much of an introvert you are. Being direct can’t hurt in the long run. Being subtle is also totally acceptable. As far as dating for introverts goes, sharing how much you require recharging after social interactions is necessary for a potential partner to know. You can voice your hobbies that allow for that needed quiet time, allowing others to decide for themselves how that would fit with their own lifestyle choices. If you totally love staying in with a good book on a Friday night, be honest about it because that is who you are and you’ll want to present the real you to a potential partner.
- Cancel if you must. If there’s one thing an introvert loves it is canceled plans. Oftentimes they will hope and pray the cancellation is initiated by someone else. It is absolutely ok and even encouraged to cancel if you don’t feel you have the energy to engage. Give your date a call and reschedule so they know you are still interested. Worst case scenario, they will no longer be interested and you’ll be able to move on to the next. Sounds like a dating for introverts win!
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- Prepare conversation topics. Believe it or not, preparation of any kind for a date can go a long way. Learn a few things about the person beforehand. This will make for an easy segue into conversations about their interests. This is an easy one if you’ve already connected with this person on social media or on a dating website. Try to steer away from yes, no, or any other one-word answer questions such as “Do you have any pets?” or “Where were you born?”. Listen to how things are going and build on the conversation. Table Topics offers an array of categories for their popular ice breaker card games that will be sure to set the stage for some great conversation.
- Have an escape plan. Yes, you read that correctly. Sometimes in the moment, you can get overwhelmed and that is ok. Be prepared and have an honest way to bow out of the date if need be. Anxiety can send things south quickly so openly letting your date know that you are ready to head to bed or recharge is allowed. Be sure to let them know that you might like to go for a Saturday afternoon date to continue to get to know each other if that’s the way you’re feeling. If not, there’s nothing wrong with that either. They weren’t the one.
- Date someone who gets you. You might want someone that’s going to stay in with you on some nights and be happy doing so. Or your flavor might be more of the type who will push you to get out more and have some fun. Dating someone who is extroverted can be great for that type of dynamic you desire. Ultimately the one you decide to be with should understand you and accept you for who you are.
- Don’t give up. Your person is out there, introverted or not. If you go on one date per month or only interact online to start out, that is ok. As long as you don’t allow fear to debilitate you from engaging in the dating process, you are winning. You can make the rules up as you go along and do what feels right to you. Set some boundaries and know what you are seeking. If you are set on finding the one that connects with you best, you do have to date so don’t quit just yet!
Read More: How To Maintain A Long Distance Relationship
Remember, be yourself no matter what. While the act of dating for introverts requires you to do the opposite of your normal desires to stay in and binge watch your favorite shows, it is a necessary component to achieving a connection with your person.
You’re going to want that connection to be as real as it can be. That requires you to be as real as you can be as well. You don’t want to introduce yourself as something you are not to appease or attract a possibly more extroverted partner if that isn’t the person for you. Put more of the focus and energy on getting to know the other person and you will naturally exude what will attract or not attract them to you. While it is not a numbers game and you do not need to go on every single date, you do want authentic opportunities to be possible in your dating life.
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Are you a parent navigating the dating world? Check out our 10 At Home Dates for After Bedtime to find some ideas for those nights you don’t have a sitter.
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