The moment you’ve been waiting for is finally here. It’s baby’s first Halloween. It’s time to dress up the kids in itchy costumes, take them to strangers’ houses, and yes, demand candy from the exact people we tell them not to take candy from every other day of the year. Then, they can run around the neighborhood like sugar-infused wild maniacs. Nothing could ever go wrong in this scenario. For new parents, this spooky filled holiday may seem daunting. Fret not new parents, we’ve put together some Halloween hacks so you and the baby can have an epic and laughable celebration this Halloween.
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Carve a pumpkin like a pro
Before we get to go trick-or-treating, now that you are a parent, you must have a pumpkin. It’s not enough to purchase a pumpkin, now that you have a kid it must be carved. Nothing could be easier than carving a pumpkin with a new baby. Just lay your baby down in a safe place, commit to a lengthy Pinterest search for the perfect design (Pinterest is your new best friend for all child-related activities by the way), and wield a large and sturdy knife for the job. Okay, not really, see you in hell Pinterest. Oh yeah, did you think cutting up butternut squash and sweet potatoes for that homemade baby food was hard, think again and enjoy carving your Jack-O-Lantern.
Real talk, whatever you do, make sure you keep the pumpkin outside, you never know when it is going to rot. And, there is nothing like the smell of a rotted decaying pumpkin to infuse the fall season into your home.
You must take an obligatory Halloween photo of your baby. Otherwise, your child will complain about the lack of Halloween photos on the therapist’s couch one day (relax, we all need to give our child at least one thing requiring therapeutic intervention). The preferred Halloween photo is the baby in the pumpkin. Good luck cleaning out all the guts first, oh and remember to roast the pumpkin seeds. This photo must be posted on all social media channels (or it didn’t happen).
Avoid the clowns
Clowns… harmless right? No. Thanks to the reboot of Stephen King’s It, most people realize by now, that there is nothing creepier than a clown. They are exactly what nightmares are made of. A clown’s makeup is worse than a mask, as no one knows what is really going on there. There is something off about clowns, whether it is the red nose or the pale, white face, avoid these creatures like you would a contagious disease. Anyone who says they are not scared of clowns, is not to be trusted. If you do not believe me, ask Diddy.
It doesn’t matter that your baby will have no idea what is going on. Stay confident in your parental duties. You absolutely must take your new baby trick-or-treating. People love giving candy to babies when they know it is really the parents that will eat it. Don’t question it. Pro Tip: Don’t even think twice about your adorably dressed baby screaming and disturbing others, you are serving a higher purpose by providing good birth control for the older trick-or-treaters.
Look for the house with the light off
This may seem counter-intuitive. It’s not. The goal is to find the house with a candy bowl outside with the friendly sign, “just take one.” It’s the oldest trick in the book, stock up. Boom, you are finished trick or treating.
After you finish trick-or-treating, make sure you get home in time to welcome a few trick-or-treaters of your own. Prefer a fall inspired cocktail? Us too. See above. This same trick can be applied to your home. Simply turn off your lights, place an empty bowl outside your door with a sign that says “please take one”, sit back and enjoy your Halloween highball. Welcoming trick-or-treaters has never been easier.
Enjoy Endless Candy
Finally, you too get to indulge in endless Halloween candy. Since your baby doesn’t have teeth yet, all the candy is yours. You don’t have to face the quintessential parent Halloween dilemma: whether taking candy from your own kid constitutes stealing. All you have to worry about is getting to the good candy before your spouse.
Welcome to Halloween with kids!
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