How to Keep Dating Your Partner After Kids

When you live with someone and make all major life decisions with them, your relationship must be strong and healthy. When you’re raising little ones together, this is even more vital. Take this important advice: Make sure to keep dating your partner after kids.


Why It’s Important to Keep Dating Your Partner After Kids

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Parenting can be stressful. Isn’t that the understatement of the century? With all that stress can come some strain on your relationship. It is so important to keep connecting with your partner as a friend and lover, even after you become parents. It could be argued that it is even more important than in your pre-baby days.

That is why you must prioritize dating your partner after kids, just like you did when you were falling in love.

The Dating Divas put it like this: “You need time to be husband and wife instead of mom and dad.” Plus, by putting effort into your relationship, you are modeling healthy dating practices for your children. This will help your children build an understanding of what a safe, loving relationship should look like, and allow them to set an expectation of what they should expect from a partner.

Okay, so dating your partner after kids is clearly important, but now the question is how do you find the time?

Read More: Marriage Advice: Choose to Love Your Spouse Everyday

How To Fit It In

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Finding time for anything as a parent is never easy. Between working and parenting and running errands and keeping the house afloat, it is quite possible that you and your partner are exhausted nearly all of the time. This whole dating your partner after kids thing is important though, remember? Like really important. Here are some tips to making time:

Prioritize Bed Time

For many parents, evenings are the only possible spot in the day for “me time.” And that’s only after finishing all the catch-up work things and chores around the house. That’s why it is so important to prioritize bedtime.

In the beginning, it can seem easier to put your baby down late so that you get more uninterrupted sleep. And this may be true. But as your baby grows, you can start establishing a routine to get your little one to bed consistently early. According to Sleep Sisters, you can put your child down as early as 6:00 PM from about 4 months to 6 years old.

It’s a good idea to make this a priority early on, and to make sure your partner is on the same page. Sure, your baby might sometimes wake up just hours after being laid down to bed for an evening feed session. But you can at least (usually) have uninterrupted evenings available for all of the things that need to happen. That includes time for yourself, as well as time for dating your partner after kids are asleep.

Read More: Sweet & Simple Bedtime Routines

Set Aside Sacred Time

Dating your partner after kids is something that should be prioritized. And when you prioritize something, that means you have to prioritize it in your schedule. Think about how often you would like to “go on dates” with your partner (this term is used loosely – read on to see why). Is once a month enough for you? Maybe once every two weeks? How often does it need to happen?

Once you decide, commit to making it happen. Set aside a time within that duration to focus on one another. Maybe it’s every 3rd Saturday of the month. Or maybe every other Tuesday evening. Whatever it is, stick to it. Don’t budge easily.

This is an important time, so treat it like you need it! And make sure your partner is ready to do the same. Write it on a family calendar. Set a reminder on both of your phones. Do whatever you need to do to make it happen. Once it becomes a habit, it will be easier to keep up with. Plus, you’ll be happy you decided to prioritize your partnership.

Ask For Help

If you have family or friends who are willing to help you with the kids, consider using that help to get time away with your partner. That might mean going out with your husband after the little ones go down. It is sometimes hard not to feel guilty asking for help when taking care of kids is so much work. But you might not feel as bad asking someone to come hang out at the house and watch Netflix while the kids sleep.

We tend to forget that it is okay to ask for help sometimes. It is okay to hire a babysitter and get time away from the kids. And if you need to hear it, it is okay to want time away from the kids. Asking for help can feel scary sometimes. But you deserve a healthy, happy relationship, and sometimes that involves having help from others so that you can have time keep dating your partner after kids.

Date Activities

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So you know how to go on a date, right? Get dressed up, put on makeup, and hit the town for dinner and some drinks. Yeah, that is a great idea. And with the kids in bed early, it will likely be easier to find childcare for this to happen. Do it, have fun!

But dating your partner after kids doesn’t always have to look like this. There are other ways to enjoy time together that doesn’t involve a night out.

This might seem odd, but have you ever considered running errands together, sans kids? Maybe drop the kids off with grandparents and go to the store together. Grocery shopping is something that needs to get done, so you will feel less guilty doing it, but it’s still time as just the two of you. This shouldn’t be the solution every time you are needing a date, but sometimes it does the job. You might just feel transported back into your pre-kids relationship, laughing and goofing off in the aisles of Costco in a way that you haven’t done in years.

For other dates, why not plan a date night at home? Your evenings are probably typically filled with getting things done and then falling into the exhaustion of the day. But planning a date night can keep you excited to spend time together. Some favorite at-home date nights include making a charcuterie board together and watching a movie (charcuterie makes any day feel like a fancy date night, right?), or playing your favorite board game together over margaritas. Whatever you choose to do, remember that your time together is valuable, so make it count!

Read More: Ten At Home Dates For After Bedtime

Another Consideration: Marriage Counseling

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Okay, so this isn’t exactly related to dating, but it is worth noting. Have you ever considered seeing a marriage therapist? It might just be a great experience. Yes, it will likely be hard some weeks, but also so, so worth it.

The early stages of parenthood can lead to conflict between you and your partner for many reasons. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist April Eldemire explains that adapting to new roles and facing a serious lack of sleep can contribute to this conflict. Maintaining healthy communication with your partner during this time can be more difficult than ever before. Marriage counseling may be a viable solution to help you and your partner connect once again.

If you decide to go this route, you might start to think of your therapy sessions as a sort of date night. It is protected time in your schedules dedicated to working on your connection. That is a date, right?

Marriage therapy can make a positive difference, and if you are looking for ways to strengthen your relationship, you may want to look into it.

Read More: Get the Most out of Marriage Counseling

Prioritize Your Love, and Keep Dating Your Partner After Kids

Your relationship with your partner is one of the most important things. It should absolutely be a priority. Setting aside time for your relationship can make all of the difference, so make a plan to be together as soon and as often as you can. Prioritize dating your partner after kids in the upcoming year, and work to make your relationship stronger than ever; it is a healthy and beneficial goal for you, your partner, and your children!

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