Time and effort are two things that do not exist after having a baby. However, time and effort are needed to start having sex after babies. Exhaustion, in addition to raging hormones, postpartum pain, body changes and potential baby blues do not exactly set up the most romantic environment to get it on with your significant other. Having sex after delivering your baby may seem like the farthest thing from your mind now, but it won’t be forever.
Having Sex After Babies
So how long do you need to wait until having sex after your baby is born? According to the Mayo Clinic, there is no required hard rule on this, however, most healthcare providers recommend waiting four to six weeks to give yourself time to heal. You will most likely have a 6 week follow up appointment so that may be a great time to talk with your doctor about how your body is healing and more importantly how you are feeling. Getting back into intimacy with your partner will be work at first and take effort from both parties, but rekindling that flame might remind you how that baby was made in the first place.
Read More: Coping With Postpartum Pain Without Pain Medication
How Will Sex After Babies Affect Me?
How will I feel? Will it hurt? Is this something I want to use my energy on right now? I am not interested in this right now. My body looks like a cream puff. These may all be things going through your head or things that have gone through your head and news flash, it is totally normal. Your hormones are all over the place and it doesn’t have to be said again, but the exhaustion itself is overwhelming. Before jumping under the sheets with your partner, talk to them and tell them how you are feeling. Postpartum depression and baby blues are a real thing and the changes within your body should not be ignored. Approximately 70-80% of mothers experience mood swings and/or negative feelings after giving birth, so try not to pretend those feelings don’t exist. The sex will come. Take time to heal both physically and mentally and adjust to your new roles as first time parents or parents of an expanding family.
Read More: My Year With Postpartum Depression – How I Got Better
Does Breast Feeding Affect My Desire?
Experiencing a decreased sex drive while breastfeeding is fairly common. According to a 2005 study, women who breastfed were more likely to have delayed desire to resume intercourse after having a baby than women who did not breastfeed. There are probably a multitude of scientific things to dive into, but the simplest answer is hormone fluctuations. Prolactin is a hormone that increases during pregnancy and while breastfeeding to stimulate milk and can also cause a decrease in libido. The increase in prolactin decreases estrogen, which can lead to vaginal dryness, tightness or tenderness which does set the stage for sexual desire. Thanks hormones!
Is there an easy solution? Not really. The good thing is that your baby can start eating purées/solids between 4-6 months so your breastfeeding/food ratio will change and your hormones will start to level out more. Your desire for sex will most likely fluctuate after your baby’s arrival so make sure you and your partner are on the same page with how sex after babies is going to look like for you. Afternoon quickies may become the new normal.
Read More: First Foods You SHOULD Be Feeding Your Baby
Relationship Satisfaction
Solid. Loving. A Unit. Exciting. Supporting. Spontaneous. Those might be some words to describe your relationship with your partner. Studies show that about 1/3 of couples report being satisfied with their relationship after having as baby. So what about the other 2/3? Well, those individuals reported a decline in their relationship satisfaction up to three years post baby. Let’s focus on the positive, there are a 1/3 of couples doing something right!
Think about how you tackled anything in your relationship prior to having a baby? Maybe it was a team effort, maybe you both played to your strengths and divided up everything, and maybe you got more sleep so communication and formulating sentences seemed to be easier. Take those skills and bring them back. It is easy to get caught up in who got more sleep last night or who changed more diapers yesterday, but at the end of the day that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you have a partner to share in this transition together and you will rock it!
How To Improve Sex After Babies
Having sex after babies is like riding a bike, chances are if you haven’t done it in a while you may be a little rusty, but with practice it will get better! This is a great time to have a conversation on likes and dislikes and might even be a chance to make your desire for one another stronger than it was before. Here are a few tips for how to bring back the romance in the bedroom.
- Kiss and Make Out. This may seem so juvenile but try it while keeping your clothes on. This simple intimate activity can potentially get your body aroused again to want to participate in sexual activities with your partner.
- Schedule Date Nights. You may feel like you do not have any time to spare between diaper changes, loads of laundry or trying to keep the house cleaned up. Take the time and spend it with each other. Get dressed, go out and enjoy each other’s company. All the other “to dos” can wait.
- Try Something New. Take this as trying anything new such as a new position, a new room or location (i.e. think beyond the bedroom), a new time of day, or even try putting on a new outfit to be taken off. Chances are your days look very similar so adding in something different might change the mood.
- Be Kind To Each Other. Some days this may seem hard with the lack of sleep your getting and other conflicting priorities, but make this part of your daily checklist of things to do. Give one another a compliment; just saying a simple “I love you” can go a long way. Chances are you both are not feeling super sexy these days so tell one another what you love about each other emotionally and physically.
Read More: 5 Ways For Busy Parents To Keep The Spark Alive
Sex after babies can be exciting and pleasurable again! Remember to check in with each other on a daily basis to help stay connected with one another. Now more than ever it is going to be extremely important to talk to your partner and be open and honest about how you feel and also understanding of their feelings as well. Life with babies will always be a little different, so is finding your new intimate normal in the beautiful chaos!
WANT TO READ MORE?
Check out this article on Getting Over the Shyness of Mind-Blowing Sex.
