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It’s a natural part of life, and yet, having sex may seem over or under-rated for many women. Is there a happy medium, an appropriate satiable desire in a healthy relationship, or is it simply dirty and dutiful in order to procreate and satisfy a man? Simply put: yes. Because of your environment, how you were raised, your mindset, or what you have personally experienced with sex, will inevitably dictate how you experience it.
There may be some very real reasons why women like yourself tend to shy away from completely “letting go” and allowing themselves to thoroughly enjoy sex with their partners. According to HealthEssentials, the top five reasons women don’t enjoy sex are due to:
- Low libido
- Painful sex
- Difficulty being aroused
- Aversion to sex
- Inability to achieve orgasm
Though we won’t address these individually, there is a way to address most of these top five reasons in order to truly have mind-blowing sex between a man and woman in a trusting and lasting relationship (though this can also happen outside this kind of relationship too if you really want).
First, be real with yourself.
Why are you “holding yourself back” from your partner? This is usually a mindset that you have developed. It may have come from how your parents talked (or didn’t talk) about sex, how you feel in your own skin, or how your partner has reacted to you during intimate moments.
Be real, and put a voice to it. Look at yourself in the mirror and voice your true concerns. Do this alone and allow your vulnerability to show. Then declare you want to change. You want pleasure. You want mind-blowing sex, so start fantasizing about it! Your mind is more powerful than you think.
Next, share your willingness to be more open and exploratory with your partner.
Self-exploration is not bad, nasty, or wrong. It’s discovery and knowledge about your body. What gives your body pleasure is just as important as what nourishes it and keeps it healthy. Healthy isn’t dirty, and neither is the pleasure you seek.
Show & Tell
Now that your exploration escapade is over (or at least just beginning), show and tell time. If you are shy at first, turn off all the lights, get naked, and use your partner’s hands (or mouth) to mimic what you did before that was pleasurable. Trust us… they want to participate! And if needed, before you begin your show and tell moment, let them know that you want to try something different and to not ask questions. Simply ask them if they are willing to explore some methods to bring you to ecstasy.
During the show and tell, use your non-verbals to get into the rhythm of what you like (pun completely intended). From there… get verbal. Start telling him what you like and want. If you have a worthy partner, they will comply, because guess what? They get some too!
Practice. Practice. Practice.
If you do this once and it’s silly awkward and you just quit the first time… guess what, you truly are missing out. Sex is a form of intimacy on a deeper and “oneness” level. Sex is meant to be pleasurable, satisfying, and gosh darn it… mind-blowing! Give yourself some time and practice to reach your pleasure goals (and yes, set a pleasure goal. i.e. orgasm three times in a week, multiple orgasms in a single setting, orgasm by non-intercourse, etc.).
Take everything you’ve experienced in the past, what your parents have said (or not said), and toss it in your mind garbage disposal, then decide for yourself how you wish to use sex in your life. Do you wish to be imprisoned with limitations and lack of control? If you are reading this, most likely not, because you truly do, deep down, want that intensive release of satisfaction that lasts about a day.
Rinse and repeat.
Discover your very own and personal mind-blowing, no-reason-but-to-smile, sex. That’s what matters.
Remember, your past isn’t meant to be present within your sex life. You are, right here and now. Are you going to take control and claim your very own over-the-top (pun intended) mind-blowing sex? Or loathe it as a chore or duty? Choose the former… it really is worth it!
Please seek out the appropriate helplines if you are experiencing any type of sexual abuse. This article is meant for consenting adults.
Photo credits: AndiL.