Being pregnant can stir-up a wide range of emotions. Oftentimes during pregnancy, those who are expecting are exposed to ignorant comments and questions that make them question society. It’s as though some individual’s filters from their brain to their mouth are broken, and they ask invasive questions and say whatever brutally-honest comments come to mind.
There are some things that should never be said to a pregnant woman and there are questions that should never be asked. Here are a list of 15 items to be weary of when talking to a pregnant woman.
1. You must have twins in there OR You aren’t going to make it to your due date.
You’re implying that she looks huge. Rest assured she probably feels huge, so telling her the obvious in something she’s already thinking is not only redundant but rude. Also, she may or may not make it to her due date, but as long as the baby is healthy, there isn’t a problem with baby coming a little bit early.
2. Enjoy your last few months of Freedom.
A mother-to-be has more than likely already accepted the fact that her freedom will be limited and change with the presence of a baby. It’s almost said as a scare-tactic. Most mothers-to-be are excited about the next chapter in their life, so try to prevent holding them back.
3. You will never sleep again.
Most parents-to-be have been yearning for their shot at being a mom or dad for quite some time, so they have probably already taken into consideration that their sleep schedule will be forever skewed with their new addition.
4. There goes your sex life.
People assume that because someone is pregnant, that it must mean that their sex life as they know it is now going to be non-existent. That is not the case for most couples who still engage in sex during pregnancy. Sure, it can be tricky at times, but there is no reason to not enjoy that aspect of your relationship during pregnancy. Similarly, some assume that even when the baby arrives that the couple’s sex life will cease to exist. That is also not a realistic thought. Keeping the romance alive in a marriage is important, especially with a new addition to the family, so it’s imperative to make time for alone time.
5. You look tired.
When a pregnant woman hears this, the thought that goes through her mind is “I must look terrible!” During pregnancy it’s hard for a woman to get comfortable in bed and oftentimes she wakes up to re-adjust several times throughout the night. Depending on where the baby is lying, she has to adjust accordingly so she can get comfortable. So realistically, the mother-to-be is probably tired, but keep your observation to yourself.
6. Anything yet?
When the time gets closer to when the baby is due, mothers-to-be can expect to receive multiple texts, phone calls, tweets and Facebook messages asking about the status of her pregnancy oftentimes asking, “Anything yet?”. People will ask if the baby is making their grand appearance soon and they will also ask if the mother is experiencing any symptoms that would cause question for labor. One can assume that the parents will notify people once the baby has arrived, and the parents will also be greatly appreciative of their privacy up until that point.
7. You probably shouldn’t eat that.
Plain and simple, let the mother-to-be eat whatever incarnation she wants to eat. Keep in mind that she is eating for two, so the extra delicacy or serving of dinner isn’t going to hurt her or the baby.
8. You probably shouldn’t do that.
Pregnant women do not like to be told what they should and shouldn’t be doing. Unless her activity in question is a huge risk to her or her unborn child, limit yourself to what is said about her activity. If the mother-to-be is pregnant with her second child, you can rest assure that she is already aware of any limitations she has or lack thereof.
9. I feel pregnant too.
If you’re not pregnant, it is never OK to tell a pregnant women that you, too, feel pregnant. More than likely that mother-to-be will look at you like you’re crazy and will probably be quite annoyed with the comment. You’re not pregnant, so don’t imply that you look the part.
10. You must feel miserable.
More often than not, a pregnant woman is in discomfort during pregnancy, especially the later part of it. She may have a foot in her rib or elbow to the pelvic bone, so in many cases she is indeed “miserable” but only in the sense of discomfort. Try to use a different word when addressing her clear discomfort. Better yet, maybe avoid it all together.
11. Was it planned?
More often than not, a pregnancy was planned. On the rare occasion that it was not, it’s not anyone’s place to ask such a question. They’re expecting a bundle of joy, and that’s all anyone really needs to know. Whether it was planned or unplanned is irrelevant.
12. I think you’re having a…
One of the biggest annoyances that expectant mothers hear is “I think you’re having a boy/girl!” People somehow become experts in being able to determine the baby’s gender based on family history or the way the mother is carrying. Leave the gender identification to the experts.
13. Can I touch your belly?
Not only does this question create an oftentimes uncomfortable situation, but most women do not want a stranger or even a family member or friend touching her belly. Unless the woman brings it up, try to avoid the urge to ask this question.
14. Will you work after the baby comes?
Plain and simple, this isn’t anyone’s business other than the mother and father. This is more of a personal decision, and there is no need for her to publicize her decision to anyone. Again, whether the mother decides to go back to work after the birth of her child, is irrelevant.
15. Your body will never be the same again.
You’re right. A woman’s body will never be the same after childbirth. She may lose the baby weight and may have prevented the stretch marks, but a mother’s body will always carry some reminder of the miracle she once had within her. Most mothers are not upset about that reminder. Don’t try to un-glorify the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth.
Tread lightly when it comes to how you converse with an expectant mother. It’s important not to upset her or make her fearful of her pregnancy and forthcoming motherhood. Let her enjoy the moment. Offer up advice, encouragement and support. That’s the best thing to do.
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