“You have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help others.”
“You can’t pour from an empty glass.”
I’m sure you’ve heard those well-meaning phrases before—from encouragement between friends to memes on Instagram. I’ve heard them too, and I’ve always been irked by them, but I struggled to put a finger on why. And then it clicked.
We need to stop telling women to put their oxygen masks on first. Let me explain why we should stop saying those outdated phrases to women and trade them in for more exciting ones.
Women deserve to rest and fill their empty glass without having to think of others
These phrases are well-intended. They aim to encourage women to take a break from the constant caring of others at work and at home to care for themselves. And in a time when 57% of working Americans are stressed (an all-time high), what’s not to love about encouraging someone to take care of themselves?
The problem with these “oxygen mask” and “empty glass” phrases is that they assume women should only rest—or may only be interested in resting—so that they can use that renewed energy just to continue to serve others.
This plays on that outdated, traditional societal assumption that a “good” woman is always thinking of other people. So, it follows, if she wants to take care of herself, it should be justified by what she can then do for others. That is, of course, the only way that she can take care of herself and meet her own needs without feeling guilty (insert eye roll).
Read More: The Importance Of Self Care and 5 Ways To Indulge
And that’s bonkers.
Women are people who deserve to rest because they deserve to feel good and enjoy their lives. Period.
The assumption in these phrases that women should rest only to serve other might be subtle, but it’s there. If you think I might be overreacting, ask yourself, when have you ever heard someone say, “You can’t pour from an empty glass,” or “Put your oxygen mask on first,” to a man? I haven’t. Not once.
We as a society seem to assume that men do not need to justify their rest. They may rest just to recharge and enjoy their time. We don’t ask them to think about who they’ll serve with that renewed energy. Or why they need to refill their empty glass because the world needs them. And this is wonderful—we just need the same courtesy applied to women.
Change the narrative about filling your empty glass
You might think, “Well, if I rest, who cares why I’m doing it?”
But the narratives we tell ourselves about why we take certain actions (or not) matter. It is important to shift the narrative around women’s rest for us both as individuals and for society’s view of women. You can fill your empty glass… just for yourself!
Let’s bring this to life. Imagine resting just so you can get up and take care of your kids, your parents, your partner, etc. How does that make you feel?
Now, imagine resting simply because you want to enjoy life and feel wonderful. How does that feel different?
Read More: Why Do I Feel Like a Tired Mom All the Time?
For many women, the first scenario feels constrained, flat, and like resting is just another thing on the to-do list. The second feels expansive, light, and exciting. It means resting and filling your empty glass—and it also means doing things that truly light you up and help you to recharge.
Let’s go with the option that helps us feel free. Let’s stop saying phrases to women that presume that rest is only deserved if it’ll be used to serve others. Let’s start encouraging rest just because we’re people who deserve to enjoy our lives. Period.
WANT TO READ MORE?
Here are more ways to fill your empty glass, just because: 21 Selfcare Ideas To Benefit Your Body & Your Sanity.
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Photo credits: elizabeth lies | National Cancer Institute
