Yes, I am a Happy Boy Mom! I am not dreaming of having a baby girl! There seems to be a universal misconception out there that every time each of us has a baby, we are automatically ready or want to have another. Trust me, we have all heard the questions…
- “When are you going to have another?”
- “Are you going to give Baby X a little sister?”
- “When are you going to have that baby girl?”
Please, Stop Asking When I Will Be Having a Girl – I am a Happy Boy Mom!
I am not sure at what age or number of children people are going to stop asking. “So, are you dreaming of having a baby girl?” but I think the consensus is never during a woman’s childbearing years, whether you’ve made it clear you plan to have none, one, or if you actually have 10.
Similarly, for those of us who have multiple boys, the questions about when you are going to “try” for a baby girl never seem to cease… Do we really have ANY control over the sex of our children?
READ MORE: Can You Choose Your Baby’s Gender?
Oftentimes I am tempted to ask if the person is aware of how the sex of a baby is determined or if they have any suggestions for getting that baby girl… But then again, I’ve tried that, and it has led to oversharing about spinach, acidic/alkaline vaginal conditions, and sex positions that are quite frankly WAY too much information from a stranger.
That said, from a mom of three boys, each with their own attitude and personality, I implore you to stop asking me when I’m going to “try for a girl.” I am a Happy Boy Mom and here’s why…
READ MORE: Baby Essentials: Top 5 Essentials For First-Time Baby
I am a perfectly happy boy-mom! I love my boys, and I love the time we share. I like playing outside, going for nature walks, and hunting for bugs. I don’t mind that every stick, rock, and cardboard roll is an imaginary weapon, and I have become accustomed to the fact that I will never have nice things and will likely spend an inordinate amount of time in emergency rooms.
I was never one to play with dolls or to dress up, so there is really no real sense of loss about dreaming of having a baby girl there, but sometimes even my boys want to dress up, it’s just as Transformers or zombies rather than princesses or fairies for this happy boy mom.
Every time the question is posed about whether I wish I had a girl or if I’m dreaming of having a baby girl there is a part of me that feels you just don’t think my boys are enough. Why are boys, not enough? What is it that makes one need to reduce the value of boys to less than? And although you may not mean it that way, think first, because our society has started to marginalize and devalue our males. And, as a happy boy mom, I am here to defend.
We cast blame, suspicion, and wrongdoing on so many of their actions because we take issue with what their predecessors or gender counterparts in power have done. I am afraid every day for my sons because of the stereotypes they have become subjected to.
However, Happy Boy Mom Does Think About What a Daughter Would Be Like
Honestly, while I’m not dreaming of having a baby girl, I do sometimes grieve the fact I will never teach someone to put on makeup or have a best friend to take to the nail salon. I will never pick out that perfect prom dress, hear late-night details of a first date, or plan a wedding… I wore my grandmother’s 60-year-old wedding dress for goodness sake; I can be a bit sentimental. I won’t get to watch my husband walk her down the aisle all the while hoping and praying she found the love of her life and a man who will help her become her best self.
I won’t get to watch, share, and give advice as my daughter’s body and belly grow a new human life. I won’t get to hold her hand as she takes the largest leap in life and pushes a glorious and amazing baby out of her incredibly strong body. Will I get the joy of having grandbabies? Yes, I hope so. But there’s a really good chance that as the Mother-In-Law I won’t be invited to be into the delivery room.
I won’t have someone to watch romantic comedies with or to take shopping with every weekend. One day, when my own mother passes on, I likely won’t have a best friend. Yes, I mourn all these things, and yet, my boys are still small.
Be Compassionate: A Happy Boy Mom May Not Be Able to Have Another Baby at All
The “innocent” questions you pose are not all so easy to answer either. There are many reasons a woman does not dream of having a baby girl or doesn’t just “try” for that “one more baby.” There could be financial, emotional, and/or health-related reasons that simply are none of your business.
READ MORE: Please Stop Telling Me I Need A Boy
She may not be trying for more babies because of the inability of her body to withstand a pregnancy and the chance of leaving her children that are here and now motherless. The disease that has turned her world on its head since her spouse became sick or the RH factor that will forever affect any future pregnancies she may have. Reasons may not seem fair to the mother herself who is trying to come to terms with her loss and not feel ungrateful for her blessings all at the same time.
In the grand scheme of things, the number of times I have been blessed with beautiful, strong, healthy baby boys is incredible in and of itself. Many mothers suffer from a much greater loss than my desire for another baby. Women suffer from infertility, pregnancy loss, infant loss, and child loss; women who put my wanting another baby to shame.
So, when you ask me why I’m not dreaming of having a baby girl, and see me declare that I am a Happy Boy Mom – there are so many reasons, none of which are really appropriate to share with you, dear stranger. Your simple question is not so very simple, now is it?
Happy Boy Mom Poem: “We Go Together Like Mother and Son”
By Michele Meleen
Peanut butter and jelly,
moon and star,
these iconic pairings
can’t compare to what we are.
We go together like mother and son
a match made in heaven.
We’re stuck together
whether you’re seven or eleven!
When two things fit
like the Earth and the sun,
they can only be
mother and son.
If we each simply tried complimenting moms on the beautiful children she does have, or single women on the amazing careers or lives they lead, there would be no hard feelings, no feelings of sadness, shame, or anger. I mean let’s be honest, how many times do you hear random strangers ask men if they’re dreaming of having a baby girl or when they’re going to try for another baby? Follow the old adage “to each his own” – let’s move on people and leave everyone’s reproductive decisions alone.
Photo Credits: MojitosandMunchkins, Thruandislenz, Kristin dePaula, EveryAvenueGirl.
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