Having children can put a strain on your marriage and couple's therapy has become more popular to find ways to get on the same page. I know that’s not what you want to hear right now, but it’s the truth. Many couples deal with a variety of issues because they are struggling to find time to spend together and balance their relationship with having a family. Here are 4 factors to consider to reduce relationship woes.
There is common misconception that once you have children your relationship as a couple will change and you’ll have less time together. This can certainly happen, but it’s important to make sure you have time together without the kids. Not only is it important for couples to carve out time to spend together, for example having a regular date night, but also it is essential to strengthen your marriage. Your children are a priority, and of course, you want to spend quality time with your entire family, but the more you can factor in time together as a married couple you will strengthen your relationship with each other and with your children.
Relationships are hard, especially romantic ones. Marriage is one of the hardest relationships to maintain. People change over time and you can either grow together or grow apart. It’s important that you evolve together rather than growing apart. Being a mom you want to feel attractive and desirable and not like somebody whose only role in life is raising children. You want to feel like you did when you were dating your partner.
As a mother, you still have a need to feel sexy; it does not disappear once you have children. And you don’t need to let that go. Ask your partner to take you out on dates because you deserve that. You can go to the movies or go to a fancy restaurant and have a steak or whatever you love to eat. Have the grandparents watch your children while you and your partner go on a romantic getaway for the weekend. Moms need time to decompress and have a good time. When you take breaks and engage in self-care you’ll feel healthier. You can be yourself, and you do not have to be a supermom. When you try to be everything to everyone all the time you will inevitably burn out.
You can be a role model to your children. Show them that they are allowed to take care of themselves and do fun things in addition to being a great mom. One day if they have children of their own, they’ll see the importance of taking time for themselves and spending quality time with their partners.
Couples strengthen their bond by spending time together without their children. However, this might not be enough to maintain a healthy relationship. Sometimes, they might need some help reconnecting with the help of a mental health professional.
It’s natural for couples to go through times where they feel like they are not on the same page. And that is when it’s all right to ask for help. You and your partner can resolve the issues you have in couple's therapy. When you make the effort to work on your relationship, your marriage will improve. Or perhaps going to counseling will show you that it’s time to move on from one another and separate. Maybe you won’t stay together in the long run. This is heartbreaking but the two of you will make it through this challenging time.
Remember that you are your own person, even though you’re part of a couple. Your needs matter and so do your partner’s. It’s challenging to balance life as a mother and as one half of a couple, but you can do it. In couple's therapy you can talk to a couple’s counselor who is an expert on helping people maintain their relationships while raising children. You’re not alone in feeling like marriage is hard, because it is. But the right mental health professional will help you and your partner communicate with one another in the best way possible.
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